
It’s all still so new to me.
We went from the days of sleep deprivation and spit-up to the days of multiple extracurriculars and birthday parties every weekend. It feels like it happened much faster than what I was ready for. I feel like I had finally settled into the baby and toddler days, just for it to all slip away so quickly. Now, I’m adjusting to what it’s like being a mom of big kids. Though we still have a toddler in the house, he tends to rise to the occasion, trying to fit in with his older sister and her friends. This never fails to make him feel even older to me.
My oldest is six years old, so I’m experiencing each new phase as a total first-timer. My youngest is three, so the baby days are now fully behind us. We’ve still got a toddler, but not for too much longer, as he’s turning four this fall. With each passing day, we’re feeling more and more like a “big kid family.” These are the days that I could only dream about when I was pregnant or navigating the newborn days. These days we’re currently in felt so far away, and now we’re here. It’s honestly wild to me how fast time has flown, and it feels even faster with the insanely fast rate at which kids grow and change (literally overnight).
Our mornings are spent getting kids ready and shuttled to school. Our evenings consist of taxiing the kids to their many extracurriculars and harnessing as much quality family time as possible. Time flies by so fast because our schedule is so jam-packed. We even made a conscious effort this year to scale back so we aren’t as exhausted as last year, and it’s not felt to have made a profound difference! At least not yet.
As I get everyone where they need to be and accomplish all the tasks required to keep our family afloat in this season, I can’t help but still feel so uncomfortable by it all. I’m still not used to being a “big kid mom.” It’s surreal. Those tiny baby faces that I used to gaze upon are now posing and smiling for elementary school photos. The little pudgy toddler hands that once manipulated playdough for the first time now write out their academic worksheets. My children physically need me less and less. As much as I once looked forward to these days while I was losing my sanity with colicky velcro babies (bless them), I’m finding myself not welcoming it as much as I thought I might.
I frequently feel as wobbly on my motherhood “feet” as my babies once did as they learned to walk. However, I know I’ll find my footing eventually.
Even six years in, I’m still just not used to the whiplash of motherhood. I’m constantly having to adapt and change myself alongside them as they change. Their needs are always changing, which means I’m always changing to fit their needs. As stressful as this can be sometimes, it’s also an immense privilege. How grateful I am to have growing children who I get to watch evolve in the many seasons of life.
As I transition from the season of cleaning up toddler messes to the helping-with-homework season, I embrace the unfamiliarity, knowing it will become all too familiar soon enough. They are gracious with me as I catch up to their new level. I grieve as I say goodbye to their baby and toddler selves, looking ahead with excitement to continually learn their new forms.
And, oh, how I love them in all their forms.