You know that phrase that inspirational parenting accounts love to say, that goes, “The dishes can wait?” It’s meant to encourage moms to be more present with their children, but, instead, I see it frequently leading to excess mom guilt. I’ve totally said this phrase and similar ones (and acted on them), too. The message behind it is so beautiful! However, as meaningful and special as this sentiment is, it’s unfortunately not always the reality for most of us. Although we’d love just to let the house go and be with our little people, someone’s got to get the domestic tasks done.
Those tasks that keep us from being wholly present with our kids are, in fact, tasks that must be done to keep the house clean and safe for our families. The goal, I think, is to strike a healthy balance between “the dishes can wait” and being wholly uninvolved. But the question is, how do we accomplish this? What does this look like in a practical sense?
Being Present vs. Being Productive
Let me preface all of this by saying that I am no expert. As I’m writing this, I’m looking around my living room at the plethora of toys and books left out, the multiple unfolded full laundry baskets, and the miscellaneous clutter. This house definitely looks lived in, that’s for sure. But that’s okay because people live here! That’s to be expected. I’m not a clean freak (because I’m too buried by life in this season to be able to be). However, the house is a realistic level of cleanliness, in a way that helps our family function as healthily as possible.
Over the past few years of motherhood, I’ve created some routines and structure to help me find this balance between task completion and being present. This structure has changed shape over time and fluctuates based on the current season we’re in. We’ve severely outgrown our home in the past couple of years, but we’re unable to upgrade yet. Because of this, I’ve really had to commit myself to making our space and our circumstances work for us, which I covered here previously. Additionally, I’ve been focusing on a few key concepts to help me walk this line between being present and productive. Maybe they’ll help you, too!
1. Declutter Frequently
Decluttering often is a lifesaver for me, especially in a more limited space. I’m always shocked at how much random stuff my kids accumulate! Decluttering on a regular basis helps limit the amount of mess that I have to keep up with from day to day. It doesn’t have to be a full day of cleaning out every closet, the attic, and other storage areas. You can just pick one spot or one room at a time. I call this micro-decluttering. I did this recently just with my daughter’s dress up clothes and accessories. Not her entire room, just a section of it. Doing smaller scope decluttering more frequently has really proven to help limit mess in my home.
2. Create and Maintain a Cleaning Schedule
Designate specific days in which you plan to clean specific areas and rooms in order for you to stay on top of the domestic workload. This one seems like common sense, and it is, but it only works if you stick to it every week (preaching to myself here!). My main problem with this is that I over-complicate it. I always feel like the task has to be done perfectly to “count,” but even just a little quick wipe-down is great! It doesn’t have to be done insanely thoroughly every time; sometimes, “done” is enough. When creating your cleaning schedule and routines, don’t focus so much on what everyone else is doing. Make sure to create the perfect plan for you. It doesn’t have to make sense to others as long as it works for you!
For example, during the school year, both of my kids are at school most of the day on Mondays. Because of this, Mondays are a big deep cleaning day for me, since I know I’ll have free reign of the house. Tuesdays are usually busy for us and I’m not home much, so I don’t have big expectations or cleaning plans on Tuesdays, other than scrubbing the toilets and sinks. On Wednesdays, I focus on cleaning the kitchen however it needs most. Thursdays are bedding laundry/switchout days, and Fridays end up being a catch-up day. I’m sure my routines don’t make sense to everyone, but they work for me, especially when I’m faithful in sticking to them. That’s all that matters.
3. Allocate Play and Kid-Approved Areas
Make sure to choose a few designated spaces in your home that are meant for storing and playing with toys and games. Having designated play areas keeps toys and game materials from spilling into other areas of the house as kids play. It’s important that your kids know where these areas are, so they know where to participate in these activities and how to clean them up.
4. Utilize Organizing Systems
Organizational systems help immensely in creating and maintaining order in the home, eliminating a lot of extra work for you! Baskets, shelves, and bins are all extremely beneficial to use throughout the house to keep order. It’s extra helpful if these organizing modes have picture and/or word labels for your children to work on self-guided cleanup. This helps take some of the work out for you as well. It’s also a good idea, especially for littles, to rotate toys that are kept out to foster their curiosity. Rotating toys ensures that children aren’t getting bored of the play options available to them, which may keep their interest in play even longer.
5. Include Your Kids in the Process
It might sound silly, but I am always forgetting about this one. Usually, it’s much more effective when I just accomplish tasks on my own. I can get them done quickly and correctly, getting to the next thing or moving on with my day. However, involving my kids in our domestic tasks does usually prove to be helpful in some way, at least. I know someday it will pay off, once they get a full grasp of it. Additionally, helping with chores and around the house is so beneficial for child development, as well as encouraging feelings of belonging in a family.
Kids can help with many tasks, especially simple ones, like putting their toys away, putting dirty clothes in the hamper and clean clothes in drawers, or feeding pets, while older kids can take on bigger chores, like loading and unloading the dishwasher, and certain yard work duties. The earlier you start asking them to help, the more likely it is to become part of their routine. In their younger years, it’s common for their “help” to usually feel not super helpful for a while. However, the point in the beginning is to teach discipline, autonomy, and how to adhere to routines in general. Once these larger concepts are better understood by your children, they will be much more successful with pitching in later on.
6. Give Yourself the Same Grace You Extend to Others
As mothers, we’re constantly made to feel “mom guilt” for just about everything we do. We’re not cleaning enough? Mom guilt. We’re cleaning too much and neglecting quality time with our kids? Mom guilt. No matter how you slice it, there’s going to be mom guilt found on every side of every issue. It all depends on how you look at it. Perspective is everything, making it so important that we continue to remind and encourage ourselves of a few key things: We’re doing the best we can; we’re only one person; and there are seasons for everything.
There are seasons when we feel so on top of everything, seasons where we feel we’re dropping the ball, and seasons of balance. The only constant in life is change, so no matter what season you’re in, it’s probably about to change, anyway.
You Can’t “Do It All” 100% of the Time!
When you’re feeling disconnection between you and your kids and family, it is absolutely okay for these domestic tasks to fall on the back burner. It will be okay, and you will catch up when you can. Cleaning a house and running a whole family’s life is a big job! You’re only one person, and even with support from your partner and family, it’s still a lot. Try to give yourself some grace along the way.
Ah, motherhood. There truly is never a dull moment!
