Dear Mom Friend

They say making friends as an adult is hard, but nobody really prepares you for making friends as a mom.

Who would think that after numerous school drop-offs, birthday party invitations, and chaperoning school trips that finding a sense of community with the adults you see daily would be hard? I know that there are apps out there, like Peanut and Mom.Life, but in a room full of other moms, why haven’t I found my local mom bestie?

I can attest that maybe I should put more effort into building connections. But, in my mind, making connections to other moms isn’t a weakness of mine. (Let’s be honest, this isn’t rocket science.)

I had an experience where I thought I made a mom friend, but the minute I announced my pregnancy, it seemed as though I had no friend at all. We went from texting daily, going to brunch, and having play dates, to not even speaking anymore. It’s safe to say, I am now aloof about it all, and wondering if the saying “no new friends” was made for me and the mom-friend situation.

All of my friends live out of state, and it’s amazing to have them come to Alabama to hang out and do weekend trips with the kids, but I’d be remiss if I said I didn’t want a local mom friend. I think I am preaching to the choir with this and can speak for other moms out there. What we want may seem complicated, but it’s all quite simple. Let me tell you what I mean.

Dear Mom Friend,

I know you don’t exist just yet, but, one day, I am sure you’ll grace me with your presence. I want you to know that I am more than a mom. Ideally, I’d love to meet you out unintentionally because we frequent the same gym, or happen to run into each other often at the nail salon and realize our kids are in the same class or attending the same school. I’ll introduce myself to you as Nathelie instead of as “Shai, Averi, and Saige’s mom,” because, like I said, I am so much more than that. I hope you enjoy lemon pepper wings extra wet, cajun fries, and peach lemonade from Wings Heaven. (I always buy too much, and I don’t mind sharing.)

I hope that you like to travel and find an appreciation for other cultures. There is so much more to the world than what is in our backyard. Having a passport would be cool because international girls’ trips are amazing! Maybe we can tackle some bucket list items together, and you could probably even teach me something new. I don’t believe in ever being the smartest person in the room.

I want you to know that my friendship includes curating a space of safety.

I won’t judge you; I hope that you feel safe enough to be your 100% authentic self with me, even when you are sick of stepping on mini figurines as you walk through the house because it’s already been a bad day and you are overstimulated. I won’t judge you if you shout and throw the figurines away.

I am attempting gentle parenting, but you don’t have to be. I am still a work in progress and make mistakes in parenting daily. My kids will never spend the night at your house, but yours can stay at mine, or we can just do kids’ day outs and meet back up for some fun the next day at 9:00 a.m. I am a cautious parent and I do believe that we can’t protect our kids from everything, but I plan to protect my kids from anything within my control. I don’t care if folks think that’s extreme.

I am raising kind, critically thinking, emotionally intelligent, confident children who don’t have to share. I know that may sound crazy to some, but that’s my cross to bear.

Anyways, that’s enough about my kids; we should get more acquainted.

I have a job, run a business, and am married, too. If you happen to be a stay-at-home mom, girl, I seriously commend you. I enjoy Tito’s Texas Tea and scrolling on TikTok. I don’t currently own a kid-friendly bathing suit, and I walk around my house in a sports bra and underwear quite often, without socks.

I say all this to say that we have so much more to talk about than kids. I want to hear about your accomplishments and hype you up because you deserve it! I want to buy the product you created or read the book you wrote. You can bring your kids to my house so you and your boo can have some time alone. And if I cook a decent meal, I’ll send a Tupperware-full to your home. We can do family vacations together, because friends are the family that you choose. We don’t know each other yet, but I know that you’re out there, so when you see me, say “Hey girl hey, it’s nice to meet you”.