In just four short days my baby boy will turn one. It’s hard to believe a whole year has passed since I left my full-time job to stay home. The days of waking to an alarm clock, dressing for work, attending meetings, and earning a paycheck feel familiar and far away at the same time.
As I reflect back on the last year and my transition to life as a stay-at-home mom, a myriad of emotions and experiences come to mind. I’m incredibly grateful for the opportunity to spend extra time with our son. At the same time, I’m aware that this role shift has been a challenge for me in some ways. I’ve wrestled with self-doubt and insecurity over my identity. The possibility that others may have negative opinions of me can easily bother me. I’ve questioned what opportunities the future will hold. Maybe you can relate. Motherhood has a way of stirring up comparison and uncertainty in even the most confident women. If you find yourself in a similar boat, know that you are not the only one and join me in remembering what is true.
Here are just a few thoughts I’ve wrestled with over the past year and the truth I’m learning to cling to instead.
Lie #1: I’m not contributing to society if I don’t have a career.
When you meet someone for the first time, chances are high that one of the first questions they will ask is “What do you do?” Our society tends to identify and value people based on their occupation. When I first got this question after becoming a stay-at-home mom, I felt insecure. I looked around at friends who were nurses, therapists, teachers, etc., and wondered if I was falling short or missing an opportunity to make an impact on the world around me.
The truth is, my value isn’t wrapped up in what I do. Think about the people who love you most. Your spouse, parents, siblings, and close friends love you for who you are, not for your job title or net worth. On top of that, we all have the opportunity to contribute and play a meaningful role in society no matter our circumstances. Whether we are an executive of a Fortune 500 company or a mom whose work no one sees, our efforts can make an impact. Not to mention that teaching and nurturing the next generation is an important role that will no doubt be worth the time and effort.
Lie #2: If I’m a stay-at-home mom, I need to have my act together.
Before my son was born, I thought that being at home full-time meant I would have ample time to read all the parenting books, keep a perfectly clean home, cook dinner every night, and generally have my act together. Hahaha! Between feeding, changing, playing, and now chasing my son around, there isn’t even always an opportunity to take a shower, let alone cook a gourmet meal. The truth is, motherhood can’t be done perfectly, even if you dedicate the majority of your time to it. It’s okay to make mistakes, have a messy home some days, and order takeout for dinner.
Lie #3: I won’t ever be able to re-enter the workforce.
As a former recruiter, I’m well-aware that a good resume can go a long way in getting your foot in the door. At times I’ve wondered if companies will be hesitant to hire me when they see a gap in employment. Will I still be marketable after taking extended time “off” to raise children? The truth is, being a stay-at-home mom for a season doesn’t have to be the end of your career aspirations. Plenty of women resume or even begin careers after staying home, and many employers now see the skills gained in motherhood as an asset.
Lie #4: I’m alone.
Motherhood can be lonely. This is especially true if you don’t see coworkers, clients, or customers every day. During the early months of motherhood, I spent a lot of time at home. Most of my friends worked full-time, and I wasn’t sure how to get out of the house with a baby whose schedule was fairly regimented. I figured every other stay-at-home mom probably had friends and outings figured out and that I was the only one feeling isolated. Finally, I started asking other moms to meet at the park or for coffee and learned that they felt similar.
Whether we work outside the home or not, all of us need and want friends and can feel isolated from the responsibilities and limitations we face as parents. The truth is, we aren’t alone. Sometimes we may need to initiate and find ways to connect with others. When we do, we will realize that we all deal with a lot of the same feelings, fears, and challenges.
Remedy: Remember The Truth!
It seems like the battle with negative thoughts and falsehoods is familiar for most moms. It’s all too easy to compare ourselves, have unrealistic expectations for ourselves, and worry about ALL the things. What lies are you tempted to believe, and what truth could you believe instead?
