I really love water. I drink it all the time. I have several water cups that I take with me wherever I go. I rarely drink anything else. So, it stands to reason that my kids love water, too. They were raised on it. I love this unintended benefit of my love for water.
The problem is that they drink all my water. They just hop in the car and grab my water and chug it. They pass it back and forth, taking long refreshing gulps, until it is nearly empty. Then I get it back with nothing but their backwash. I don’t know how this happened, but I know it must stop!
So today, I am taking back my water.
I love my kids. I really do. But I am done sharing my water. I will no longer spend the time fixing myself a nice refreshing cup of water for the road, only to find myself parched an hour later with nothing but backwash.
I am putting my foot down and demanding that my kids take responsibility for their own hydration.
Communicating the Problem
In order to do this, I had to make them aware of the problem. So, I told my kids that I would no longer share my water with them. Their first reaction was disbelief. They have never known me not to share, so of course they didn’t believe me when I told them that my water sharing days were over.
New Rule: No one drinks mom’s water but mom.
They had a lot of questions about the new water rule. Where would it be in effect? Would there be exceptions? What if they were dying and didn’t have water? Would I make dad get his own water, too? What if they fixed their own water but ran out? Would I share with my friends but not them? Didn’t I love them anymore?!
So. Many. Questions. But in order to succeed in my new plan, I had to answer them. I needed my kids to understand the new expectations.
Practicing the New Behavior
Once everyone was on the same page and understood that mom was reclaiming her water, we began practicing the new behavior. This is where I allowed my kids some leeway to learn the new behavior and where I proved to them I was serious. Although I explained to them clearly that things were going to change, they had to experience it for themselves before they believed it.
Remember, they were in the habit of drinking my water, and, honestly, I was in the habit of letting them. So we not only had to break the old habit, but we also had to start some new ones. During this time, I reminded them before we left the house to fix themselves some water. Sometimes we all forgot, in which case I shared my water with them. It was a learning process for everyone.
Some unforeseen situations also arose, like one daughter spilling her water in the car. We worked those out as they came. That is what this time is for. For me, it was figuring out the nuances of the rule. For my kids, it was figuring out the boundaries of the new rule. They tested them—and me—to see what they could get away with. But I held the boundary.
Enforcing the New Behavior
Then the time came when I felt that we had practiced enough, and new habits had been formed. I began enforcing the new rule of not drinking mom’s water. This was a tough time, because part of them still believed I wouldn’t actually go through with it. But, I followed through with the boundary I had set. I mean, this is what the majority of parenting is, right? Following through.
I told the girls that this was it. We were no longer practicing. They could no longer drink my water. Over the next week, they tried their sweet little hearts out. Whenever they forgot their water, they begged and pleaded. They tried to sneak sips of my water. They even made dying noises. But I held strong, and they eventually got the point.
I was serious, and they could no longer drink my water.
Behavior Change Takes Work
This is a true story, and, while a little silly, it illustrates the model for behavior change. When our kids have developed a habit or behavior that is out of control, it will take some effort from us to help them change it. Sometimes we have allowed the behavior and will need to make some changes ourselves. Whatever the situation, we will need to communicate the problem, practice the new behavior, and then laser-focus on enforcing the new behavior. You can find a more detailed version of this plan here.
