As a parent and teacher, I have a unique perspective when it comes to ways to support your child’s teacher. Establishing a healthy parent/teacher relationship is an important piece to the success of your child each school year. Here are some ways to be supportive of your child’s teacher, even when you have concerns. At the end of the day, you and the teacher are on the same team for the success of your child.
1. Caution in the Group Chat
The group chat can really get out of hand when there is a problem, whether real or perceived. If you are included in a group chat for the parents or moms in your child’s grade, resist the temptation to talk negatively about a teacher or staff member; and be careful about believing hearsay. Stating facts or asking clarifying questions is fine, but when the conversation turns to gossip, it’s best to not engage. If you truly have a concern, have respect for the teacher and message him/her directly.
2. Assume Positive Intent
Your child comes home with a story of something that happened at school. Your child is upset and you are concerned. First, consider the source. Your child’s age and limited perspective should be kept in mind. If your concern warrants involving the teacher, assume positive intent when you write that email. Ask questions, state only what you know to be true, and ask for clarification about what you aren’t sure is true. An example of this could be, “My daughter said _________. Can you provide insight from your perspective so I know how to guide our conversation at home?” This gives the teacher the space to share her perspective, but still makes her feel like she’s on the same team as you and not having to defend professional decisions.
3. Don’t Hit Send on that Word Vomit
When you are upset about something, sleep on it before you hit send on that email you just rapid-fire typed on the keyboard. Not only will you likely recognize some unkind words or tones, you also won’t have the grammar of a kindergartner. (I’ve received emails that sounded like nothing but long-winded word vomit with no punctuation.)
Send a professional email just like you would to someone in another profession. There are ways to respectfully share your concerns, and an email is likely not the place. Email and ask for a conference so you can hear the tone in each other’s voices over the phone or in person. When you request a conference, give the teacher a heads up about your concern. The teacher deserves a bit of knowledge regarding what you want to discuss, otherwise she’ll be unprepared for your meeting and it will be an unproductive use of everyone’s time.
4. Speak Positively Around Your Child
When your child is around, make sure what you say about your child’s teacher or school administration is respectful and positive. If they hear negative things, they will believe the negative things, and a domino effect may take place. Your child could begin showing disrespect at school, which will only bring negative affects to him/her. Let your child hear respectful and truthful things. If that isn’t possible, stay quiet about your concerns when your child is around.
5. Read the Newsletter
You likely receive some type of weekly newsletter that includes important dates and information. Read it. The weekly information is the teacher’s way of keeping you in the loop. When you have a question about an upcoming date or wonder about a homework assignment, check the newsletter first. If your question can’t be answered by reading the newsletter, then reach out to the teacher. Teachers rarely have time to sit down to check emails, so please make sure yours are worthwhile. Asking about the date of the field trip that can be answered by looking at the newsletter will only slow down more important work.
6. Purposeful Gifts
While every gift is appreciated, there are some that are less useful. Teachers don’t need another “#1 Teacher” water bottle. Does she love flavored sparkling water? Does she thrive on electrolyte packs or grab-n-go protein bars? Does the teacher’s bathroom need some nice hand soap? Does she need paper towels that actually soak up liquids? Taking care of her little needs gives her more mental capacity to care for your child. I once had a student give me ingredients for an appetizer in December, with the intent of having something on hand for a random Christmas party or unexpected guests over the break. You could even send a Chick-Fil-A gift card during the first week of school so she has one less meal to cook for her family during some of the most tiring days of the school year.
7. Handy Man Work
If you or your husband are handy, offer to tackle some handy-man type tasks that she may need. She may have a new shelf that requires assembly, a rug that needs to be cleaned, or a table with a wonky leg. If you notice something that needs repair when you visit the classroom, offer to take care of it for her! It’s not that she’s unable to tackle these tasks, but when the school year is in full-bloom, those things don’t even make it onto the to-do list.
8. Lunch and Birthday Treats
Teachers rarely eat off campus or get to enjoy a duty-free lunch. When you come to eat lunch with your child, ask the teacher if she would like something, as well. If providing a meal is not affordable, surprise her with her favorite drink or snack. And, for the love, if you bring birthday treats, please make sure you offer one to the teacher! Don’t leave the school with cookies you never offered to the teacher. The little things make our entire day.
9. Every Minute Counts
When you come to eat lunch with your child or attend an event at school, feel free to check your child out for the rest of the day, but please don’t ask, “Are you doing anything else the rest of the day?” Yes, we are doing important work the rest of the day. Your child will be missing things he/she will likely have to make-up. Take your child anyway! Just please don’t assume what’s happening the rest of the day isn’t productive (unless, of course, it’s those days right before the school year ends–then, we are definitely not doing anything important!).
10. The Gift That Keeps On Giving
No, I’m not talking about the Jelly of the Month Club. I’m talking about a handwritten note from your child. Or an email praising the teacher that you send to the principal, maybe even the superintendent! These free things last beyond the school year and are encouraging reminders the teacher can return to on hard days.
11. Bring Your Services to the School
Do you own a dry cleaning business? Start a weekly dry-cleaning pick up and drop off at the school. Do you own a mobile car wash? Wash the teacher’s cars in the parking lot during the school day. Do you like making healthy salads? Make a large batch of salads and offer to box them up for teachers once a month. Do you have a mobile boutique or coffee truck? Set up at school on a professional development day. We’ll gladly pay for these services when they come to us! Do you have a mobile all-in-one gynecologist, dentist, primary care doctor, veterinarian, pediatrician, or a lab for bloodwork? No? Well, if you did, teachers would keep you in business! We simply don’t have time during the school year to take care of these necessary things. Anything that can come to us at school is appreciated!
12. Local Gift Ideas
If you want to support local businesses while you support your child’s teacher, consider these ideas:
- Lunch from Taco Mama, Taziki’s, or Ashley Mac’s
- A cookie from Cookie Fix
- A specialty coffee from Cala Coffee, Baba Java, or O’Henry’s
- A gift card to a local bookstore like Little Professor, Thank You Books, or Bookmarked
- A prepared family meal from The New York Butcher Shoppe, Tina’s Market, or Waldo’s
- A class gift card to a local spa like The Retreat Day Spa or Woodhouse Spa
