Over the last six months, I have come to a harrowing conclusion.
Adulting. Sucks.
Notice I didn’t say parenting. Although yes, sometimes parenting totally sucks. Especially when your two-year-old raises her eyebrows and calmly says, “You are TOO LOUD, Mommy,” after you yell at her for throwing her dinner to the dog.
No, it’s not just parenting. And it’s also not just work, as I work full-time too. It’s not just bills, or doctor’s appointments, or laundry, or changing air filters, or roof leaks, or keeping the house somewhat clean (or . . . at least not hazmat). It’s a combination of all of these things that come along with being an adult who has three kids and a full-time job.
It’s hard. It’s really, really hard.
Most days, I feel like I’m failing in some capacity. I might have a great day at work, but then I realize I forgot to send my child to daycare with a show-and-tell item, and she’s wrecked over it. Or, I have the sweetest moment ever when I drop my baby off in the morning, and then arrive at work and realize I’ve missed a deadline.
My youngest is not quite 10 months old, and my oldest just turned four. People ask me all the time if I’ve adjusted to being a working mom of three. My response usually goes one of two ways. Either I respond with silence combined with pursed lips and a wrinkled brow, or . . .
“I’m still trying to find that balance,” I say, and I usually get sympathetic nods.
One day, I got a reality check when I responded with these words to a co-worker. She has an adult son and has always been a working mom herself.
“Jennifer, I hate to tell you this . . . but you’re probably never going to find it,” she said gently.
I stopped in my tracks.
She went on to explain that she was never able to fully balance her career and motherhood, since each role pulled her in two separate directions. So she just did the best she could while trying to keep her son first.
Her words didn’t give me clarity, but she did make me feel better about not having all of the answers.
So yes, this phase of life is the hardest one yet. Whether it exists or not, I’ll continue searching for work/life balance while trying desperately to excel in every area of my life.
And, as my mom always tells me . . . I’ll take one day at a time.
